Throughout the last months I sang during gatherings with friends and strangers, for children and adults, around the campfire and during events. Time and again, the still knowing grows that this is part of my path. This wants to grow and expand, this wants to be heard and felt.
A few weeks ago, I followed a webinar about entrepreneurship with the intention to generate an income. In my mind, this meant that I would compromise a little by focussing on work in translation or fundraising (instead of creative expression) in order to cover my basic costs. Halfway into the webinar, I was surprised and slightly shaken. All ideas in the above mentioned direction had evaporated. Instead, I was visualising myself offering concerts and ceremonies, facilitating retreats and workshops, writing and illustrating children’s books… In short, making a living with what I love to do. I want to integrate love and money instead of reproducing a schizophrenic view on work/life.
Soon life showed me that this is possible indeed. I offered a concert performing purely my own songs, I shared music during a plant medicine ceremony, and I received money for both. Moreover, the responses of audience and participants are still amazing and encouraging to me, as is my own experience of singing, being present on stage or in the circle. ‘YES’ every cell of my body seems to shout, ‘Yes, this is it, this is your work, go for it, dive deeper, show yoursoul!’
So I do. I make space for the divine to move me, for words and sounds to flow. I utter my dreams and practice relaxing in not-knowingness. I open to the world. I withdraw into silence and nature. I trust that I continue to be supported and that I reach the hearts that my work speaks to.
And oh there are so many ideas*! Writing new songs, finding more opportunities to sing and sound (for a living), recording a videoclip, finding a studio or person to do more professional recordings, creating a CD, developing programmes around voice- and bodywork, creating baby/children concerts, deepening my skills and wisdom in trainings… Now, at the moment of writing, I feel thrilled and curious about this abundance, I can sense a calm trust that all unfolds organically and with perfect timing.
Despite or sometimes due to the abundance of possibilities and inspiration, however, I also experience moments (or periods) of feeling stuck, heavy and full of doubt. Where to start? Can I really do it? This strong current can feel overwhelming. Time and again, I am invited to relax and surrender. No need to control this river. I don’t need to know how it’ll work out, I need to trust that it does (or lovingly ‘attend and befriend’ the fear of failure or/and success). It’s my task to be present. To take responsibility and action or to let go and let life unfold itself, according to what the moment asks for. To dance that wild, majestic yet delicate, gentle and effortless dance.
And yeah, there are moments that do not even feel close to majestic yet delicate, let alone gentle or effortless. And that’s okay. They’ll too shall pass (as I’m happily and repeatedly rediscovering).
*Do you feel inspired or called to contribute in some way? Maybe you know of an audience or space where I’m welcome to share my music, a studio to record my CD or a place to organise retreats or workshops? Do you have another idea or a useful hint? I love to hear and read from you!
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